Epilogue

Dreams And Reality

He had said so in the airport, but I felt the chances of our ever meeting again in the tangible world were minute. At that point in time I didn't know how either of us would hold up under the weight of our shared knowledge. Yet, It hardly seems eight months have passed since I traveled abroad. It has gotten easier, though sometimes not.  Time and distance have helped.  My husband being a constant strength and source of love and passion has helped to relegate the memories to times when it can not be avoided.  Working for the fan club and adding to the website, though I have turned much of that over to Livi's charge, to her chagrin.  I no longer can watch those movies on a daily basis, but do occasionally. I am unable to expound on his various virtues with laughter and lasciviousness from one end of Austin to the other. Adele has noticed, but not questioned, perhaps thinking that the boil has just turned to a simmer.  I think Livi suspects that perhaps something more happened than the casual dinner at Deux Amis, but she has never broached the subject nor have I offered.  I just think she knows. I have never emailed or written as I knew would be the case.  I got one from him when I returned. Informal and sent from ICM. D., Hope you had a safe flight home.  Love to you and yours, CF  That was it.  I didn't react well to it and had deleted it.  Now I wish I hadn't. I couldn't have replied to it in any case.  No one has been told, has a clue. Ultimately, two people thousands of miles apart, and in more than mere distance, with a chance meeting and a mutual encounter have a coordinated memory and go on with their lives.

So, sitting here in this theater, I am a little distracted.  But not over what others may think.  Livi and I have spent the better part of the last six months putting together this package deal to this premiere of "Love Actually" for the fan club. 232 members are here. Many of them I've only ever known from forums on the internet.  It was one of the things we worked out from the meeting at ICM.  Livi is right next to me, I need her support, though I am sure she doesn't know to what extent.  Part of the deal was a Q & A session with Colin after the movie for members of the fan club and some other forum groups in attendance tonight. I am hoping to see him and not. Though settled I don't know how I will react and I don't know what his reaction to me might be.  I'm sure he would retain decorum in any case.  I just don't know how well he came out of this in the end.

The Q & A over.  At one point he looked at me with what I thought was recognition wherein he cleared his throat and drank some water.  I don't know if it was me or it just happened.  I was unnerved for most of it and chose not to ask anything, much I think, to everyone's surprise. Several ladies around me who knew we had met, had urged me to make a query, I couldn't.  I had made it through.  I was ready to leave.

The theater manager got up on the stage. "Mr. Firth would like to meet the officers of the Colin Firth Fan Club. Ladies if you would meet up here at the stage and follow me."

I swallowed hard and looked at Livi. "That's us," she noted, "are you ready?" I looked at her and from what I could observe, I might have to end up scooping her off the floor.  Much to my surprise though, she was actually able to walk.....like she was on a cloud.  We headed up to the stage.  Livi with all the enthusiasm the years of pining could bring to the fore.  I, apprehensive, though I was certain nothing would be revealed other than we had met before. The man led us backstage, just behind the curtains.  Colin was sitting on a stool and there were several chairs around him.  I hadn't noticed before now, but his dress shirt was...you guessed it....colinblue, though he had black pants on, they were not jeans. The shirt was not tucked in and his hair was natural, not combed back or styled. His face lit up with that gorgeous smile as we approached and were introduced. They led us up to him; I could feel my pulse pounding. The studio manager continued, "Ladies - Colin Firth, Mr. Firth these are the ladies that started your fan club. Olivia Thermen and....."  He looked at me with a hint of a smile. "And Diane DeMore, yes... we met in London last July, at that meeting. Pleasure to see you again."
Livi turned and looked at me and looked back at him, "Yes, we had a lot of good ideas and wonderful pictures come from that meeting. We appreciate all the time and effort put forth by you Mr. Firth." 

"Yes, well, your friend here is a very shrewd negotiator. I was pleased."
I bit my lower lip to keep my jaw from dropping.  To everyone else this seemed like a normal exchange. I was reading more into his choice of phrases, intended or not. And whether it was appropriate or not, I had to know.  I wanted to ask him something without raising questions. I could only come up with one thing.

"Colin, I mean, Mr. Firth," I think I blushed then. "You do look so much better than last I saw you, how have you been?"

"Oh, that, well, I've had a lot of time to rest up since then.  Not as much work." He knew what I was asking. "And I'm well..... thank you." The thank you was soft, like he had said at the airport. I took a deep breath. I now knew he was okay. I wasn't sure what Livi was thinking at this point. All I knew was the exchange was easier than I anticipated.

"As I recall, Diane, you were not in the best spirits at the meeting, but you persevered. So how are you then? And I seem to recall that very outfit, you bought it in London especially for the meeting, did you not?" I looked at him like what are you doing? "Yes, I did, it's, yes, the same one and I'm very fine, thank you."

"Glad to hear that. Well, I really do have to go. Nice meeting you, Livi was it? and a pleasure to see you again, Diane."

He stood up and leaned over the stool.  He turned around and handed Livi two light pink roses, he handed me two others, one dark red, one coral.  Then he kissed my hand, looked at me and said, "I will always remember your camaraderie and intuition."  Everything inferred was perceived by us both.  He gathered his jacket, bade us a good evening and left.

Livi, just kept staring at Colin, the roses, and me. "What was that?"

"What Livi?"

"That. Those questions?"

"What questions?  I was trying to make conversation. What do you ask a star? Come on, let's go home."

With that I turned Livi around so we could leave.

"Diane?"

"Hmm?"

"What do pink roses mean? Do you recall?"

"Well, they're light pink, let me see......I believe joy, gladness, something like that."

"And what about those? Yours. What is that dark red and coral? They don't really seem to go together, do they?"

"Um, I really don't remember these two, but I am sure they do."